I’m too jealous to break up with my abusive partner

DEAR DEIDRE: Marrying my abusive husband was a huge mistake, but I’m too jealous to let him go.

When I did summon up the courage to kick him out, I took him back because I was scared he would move on.

I’m 38 and he’s 35. We’ve been married for five years.

While we were dating he treated me so well and I was so happy.
But soon after we tied the knot, he started showing his true colours.

He became controlling and nasty, often swearing at me and putting me down.

Then he turned violent. During a row, he threw a plate at me, narrowly missing my head.

I threw him out. He went to stay at his parents’ house, as he had nowhere else to go.

He begged me to let him come back, apologising and sending my loving messages and flowers, but I said no.

Then I heard he was talking to his ex and I got so jealous that, even though I don’t want to be with him, I let him come back.

All my friends say I’m an idiot and that he’s bad news. Nobody likes him or wants to be around him – except me.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Please help.

DEIDRE SAYS: People often get addicted to substances that are bad for their health. The same can happen with people.

By love bombing you, then being abusive and putting you down, your husband has made you feel you can’t live without him.

But you know, rationally, that he is bad for you – and abusive men tend only to become more abusive. You need support to break away from him.

Contact Women’s Aid (womensaid.org.uk) and call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (run by Refuge on 0808 2000 247).

My support pack, Addictive Love, will explain more about this type of relationship and lists other organisations you can contact.

The one on Raising Self-Esteem should also be helpful.