How to cope with empty nest syndrome when teens leave home
Millions of teens are leaving home this month, headed off to college, the military and beyond. In many cases, they leave unprepared parents behind who are grappling with empty nest syndrome.
“They are feeling that void of not having their child in the house anymore,” said Dr. Kathryn Ziemer, clinical director at Old Town Psychology in Alexandria.
“So, it feels emptier. But it’s not uncommon for parents to feel a sense of loss.”
Empty nest syndrome is marked by a range of emotions, including sadness and loneliness, that turn up after a child leaves home.
Ziemer said the shift can be jarring for parents who “have built their identity around being a parent and raising children.”
Many parents don’t know what to do next.
“They can kind of have an identity crisis sometimes,” she said. “They say, ‘Oh, my gosh, I don’t have this as the central role in my life anymore.’”
Francine Ellis remembers becoming an empty nester about 20 years ago. First, her daughter enlisted into the Air Force. A few years later, her son got married, joined the Navy and moved away.
Her house was quiet.
“When you’re at home and you’re by yourself, that loneliness sets in,” she said.
“Some people say, ‘When I’m at home, I’m not lonely.’ But let’s be honest, we are. And binge watching Netflix doesn’t always help.”
Ellis, a self-described social butterfly, needed something to do with like-minded people. She volunteered at local sports stadiums, started an event planning business with a friend, and, finally settled on traveling.
“I’ve always wanted to travel. And I found my people,” said Ellis, who also hosts Meetup and Facebook groups for empty nest parents in D.C., Maryland and Virginia. “People that were like me, who didn’t have children at home and needed something to fill the space.”
She enjoyed traveling with other empty nesters so much that she launched a travel agency seven years ago. In addition to booking for clients of all ages, GEM Travel offers domestic and international vacation packages aimed at empty nest parents.
Her popular, mostly adults-only trips are even attracting people who are on the cusp of becoming empty nesters soon.
So far, her travel buddies have visited Jamaica, St. Croix, Mexico and the Dominican Republic. And every year, her clients snatch up spots for her annual trips to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in New York and a New Year’s Eve getaway.
Dubai is in the works for next year, she said.
“This absolutely was a way of coping,” said Ellis, 60, who started the agency after retiring early.
Ziemer tells parents struggling with empty nest syndrome to put their experience into perspective. The uncomfortable emotions linked to a child leaving happen to many parents, she said.
“It’s normal to feel sad about leaving your child at school,” Ellis told WTOP. “Be aware of what you’re feeling and let yourself feel it. But then start to shift gears.”
She next advises them to rethink their situation.
“OK, yes, it’s a loss but your kids are still your kids,” she said. “Reframe this as an opportunity. You’re going to have more freedom, more time and less responsibility.”
Ziemer also tells parents to keep the lines of communication with their children open. But set boundaries, too.
“It’s all about finding the right balance,” Ziemer said.
“You can still be there for them. And be real with them, that you miss them. But let them have their own autonomy to spread their wings a little bit.”