The White Sox lost the game you waited 19.5 hours for

The Rangers and the league’s worst pitcher by losses take one from the South Siders, 3-1

The 2024 White Sox remain anomalous on levels no one could have imagined. Today’s game was not the first game of a doubleheader, much to the confusion of many. It was, in fact, the shortest suspended game in MLB history, clocking in at 19.5 hours between pitches. This was the first time an MLB game was suspended before an out was recorded.

The official starter for today’s 4:10 p.m. game was Garrett Crochet, who threw four pitches last night before the rain delay. Neither the MLB broadcast headquarters nor the National Weather Service knew what was coming.

The storm that delayed this game materialized over the lake out of nowhere, as seen here in the author’s video, which was taken from a height of nine floors.

The suspension means that Chris Flexen wasn’t technically this game’s starter, as he began the game with Marcus Semien continuing a 2-2 count with no outs.

The stage was set, and the atmosphere bore an eerie resemblance to the empty stands of pandemic baseball.

There seemed to be five fans in the stands. No boos, no cheers, and no energy. The silence was so obvious; the television broadcast was shocked with the deafening roar of “FUCK!” out of Korey Lee after a bad at-bat.

It was going to be a long night.

Two pitches into today’s performance, Flexen walked Semien. It looked as though Flexen was determined to tie the record-high number of losses by a pitcher, a crown that Rangers starter Andrew Heaney was wearing at the start of this game (which was yesterday, technically), with 13 losses on the season. Flexen came into this game with 12.

Corey Seager hit into a fielder’s choice, and Robbie Grossman got a base hit, so with men on second and third, Adolis García came in with an RBI double. South Siders everywhere felt the length of this game in their bones as they stared down the 1-0 score pinned on their home screens or mocking them on their televisions.

Resident misery mascot Miguel Vargas is a man who hates life on the South Side and has been memed repeatedly for his sad expression.

In the third, Vargas broke his shit streak, smacking a ball to the wall, where it bounced off the yellow line on the padding, and was called for a home run. Vargas jogged around the bases, celebrating his first round-tripper in a White Sox uniform ... until it wasn’t.

After Rangers skipper Bruce Bochy had the call overturned with a challenge after noticing the ball come back after hitting the padding, Vargas took second base. Brooks Baldwin put down a sacrifice bunt, leaving Josh Jung with only a play at first, getting Vargas over to third. Enter Corey Julks.

Julks wasted no time smacking a single through the hole, tying the game at one.

After the first, Flexen spent the next six innings painting the ball over the plate and taking the White Sox all the way into the seventh inning. He maintained control and had consistently good location, primarily relying on his changeup and not using many curveballs. He had given up seven hits at this point in the game, but it didn’t feel like it.

Flexen sprinted out to the mound in the seventh, his confidence palpable, aware that this was his best outing of the season yet. Wyatt Langford faced off against him first and quickly got a hit. Flexen was about to hit the 90-pitch mark but was still looking good. After Jonah Heim wasted no time with a hit to left, the bullpen was up and going for the first time. Back-to-back hits after a great performance made it clear that Flexen was ready to be pulled, but he stayed in for a bit longer, giving up a hit to Semien, who rocketed a ball over the head of Corey Julks, making it 2-1. Flexen was incensed, yelling to himself as he walked off the field despite a quality performance.

Fraser Ellard, looking calmer than we’ve seen him, came in for Flexen and immediately gave up a single to Corey Seager, putting the Rangers ahead by two.

We’d see Prelander Berroa make his White Sox debut, and he threw heat, recording three strikeouts in the eighth. But it didn’t matter. The Rangers took the first game of the night, 3-1.

Andrew Heaney started tonight’s game with the highest number of losses of any starting pitcher in the MLB. Guess who tied it tonight?

That’s right. Chris Flexen. Is it his fault? No. The blame is on the nonexistent White Sox offense. Flexen had his stuff tonight. This lack of run support has awarded Flexen his 13th loss of the season.

With this 102nd loss, the White Sox are now tied for the second-worst start in franchise history. They’re four losses away from tying for the worst season.

Regular readers may notice the lack of satire tonight, and the blame can solely be placed on the circumstances that changed the time and date of this game. Workin’ Wednesday brings a different vibe than Tactless Tuesday. The satire will be doubled down next Tuesday. Enjoy the second game if you dare.

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