The Real Housewives of Dubai Recap: Links Up

I hate few things more than watching a reality series limp to finish its season order. Despite a general uptick in quality from the ladies this time around, the thin plotline is starting to tear at the seams, and it pains me to see the Dubai girls go out on this note. I mean, arguing over decals and spa services? I know I said I enjoyed the lighter fare, but this feels a bit like grasping at straws.

To recap, Lesa Milan invites the group to a launch of Mina Roe’s new maternal skin-care line by hosting a launch event paired with a spa day. As far as we can tell, the women knew the services advertised beforehand and were ready to support the event as Lesa paired it with postpartum awareness, which several of the women have spoken about. Suddenly, we discover that Brooks is refusing her scheduled services because it would be a “conflict of interest” with her Glass House spa business. Plausible, but likely wrong. Whatever — we can let her have that. The snipes don’t stop there, however. Now, the women are gossiping about how tawdry it is that Lesa put out a lot of branding on her business at her launch event. Am I missing something here? The whispers just seemed a bit outsized for the alleged crime, but it allowed Brooks to whip herself into a frenzy, her favorite hobby. Suddenly, she is offended at Lesa’s slight; how dare she not ask Glass House to sponsor their spa day? Without saying a word, Lesa became both tacky and inconsiderate.

It’s a shame, too, as the event itself had plenty of light material worth enjoying: the women’s pitiful attempt at yoga; Ayan’s blonde shock of a braided wig that desperately needed toning to better match her complexion; the newfangled “belly masks” that I will be immediately googling for my own stretch marks. We should have spent more time laughing at how Ayan managed to look like a crab in every yoga pose she tried; instead, we are wasting time pretending that she committed a great sin by sticking Mina Roe decals on the walls. I’m sure she didn’t think she was deceiving anyone about the venue, especially since they all claimed to be spa regulars.

For that reason, I don’t begrudge Lesa for tearing into the women at the follow-up golf events. First of all, if you want to talk tacky, we should start with Raffi co-hosting a Housewives event before speaking one-on-one with Brooks about how he yelled at her. Nevertheless, the girls don their best attire for the links (with Ayan in a monstrous feathered frock) and bring their partners along. In Saba’s most relevant performance yet this season, she apparently made a big show of being a “near-professional” level player at the tee, only to summarily embarrass herself and look worse than the novice Ayan. Lesa takes the time on the grass to start trying to make heads or tails of the buzz she had been hearing, starting by pressing on the weakest link: Taleen, who crumbles the second a gust of wind blows past her.

Once Taleen nervously confirmed that Brooks had an issue, Lesa brought it up during the girls’ brief drink break. Finally, the Lesa we saw all season shows up — indignant, unbothered, and cantankerous when prodded. She has a right to roll her eyes at Brooks, feeling her services should have been prioritized. Not only did Brooks not even invite her to the spa’s grand opening, but according to Lesa, she doesn’t even use the services herself. And respectfully, I don’t think Brooks should be advertising herself by saying she does Ayan’s wigs. I say this with love … I don’t think that’s much to brag about. Stanbury, giddy that the drama has nothing to do with her for once, continues to have her massive goblet topped off with champagne as the girls bicker away.

For some reason, Taleen, who was more skittish than Smeagol when asked one-on-one by Lesa about issues with the event, suddenly finds the mouth to critique Lesa amongst the group. Lesa rightfully lost her top over it, and Ayan immediately stepped in to back her up. It remains shocking that whatever happens next episode leads them to not speak for a year — up until this point, petty issues aside, the duo has continued to publicly stand by each other and leave their quibbles at home. Lesa’s possessiveness does seem to linger a bit more in more recent episodes, and she acknowledges that she felt Ayan was pulling away and blamed Stanbury. However, it is still difficult to imagine that would be all.

Unfortunately, the tension doesn’t remain at drinks. As the couples’ dinner progressed — where the couples played an updated version of the Newlyweds game — ugly heads reared themselves yet again, with Brooks indignant at Ayan’s suggestion that her antics were rooted in jealousy. I wouldn’t say that it was driven by jealousy, but it certainly wasn’t dictated by a rational emotion — I am frankly shocked at how much this cast is drawing from a nothingburger. Yet, somehow, we land right back at Taleen and Lesa screaming at each other, only this time, it’s Raffi in between them. Taleen is still miffed that Lesa called her all kinds of unemployed bitches at the last event, and as an underemployed bitch, I feel her frustration. Lesa is uninterested in any version of an apology at the moment, however, remaining insulted that they disparaged her event over pretty critiques. It’s the best sort of Housewives argument because both parties think they’re right while they’re both a little bit wrong for taking it this seriously. As the rest of the cast observes, they are at a public venue, arguing over each other’s businesses or lack thereof. I would say they should have a little self-awareness, but if they had that already, they likely wouldn’t be Housewives.

All in all, even with Lesa’s return in prime fighting form, it was an unfortunate middling dip as we descend into the final stretch for this season of Dubai. I’m rooting for the girls to stick the landing next week at the finale. See you then!

Golden Nuggets

• It was interesting to find out that old English money Stanbury is half-Jewish and that her family changed their name from Steinberg after World War II. Been to a few bar mitzvahs myself, but I can’t say any of the affairs came close to what Stanbury did for her kids.

• It is also interesting to watch Stanbury navigate her relationship with her mom and make peace with where she failed her at this point in her life. If you’ve watched Ladies of London then you know Stanbury has a historically strained relationship with her family, and I can sense in her actions how she is tactfully choosing to preserve their growth rather than lay in on them for mistakes they made. Her mom reinforces as much when she continues to defend the life skills learned in boarding school at the expense of emotional competence. Hopefully, Stanbury will avoid repeating all the same mistakes with her kids and encourage them to come speak to her at younger ages.

• Akin is still not providing emotionally, physically, or financially from Germany, and we are all shocked. How much longer do we have to entertain this? No one, including her friends, is asking Sara to settle here.

• While we’re on her, I’m a little shocked at Sara’s cavalier reaction to exposing her son to adult topics. I am no one’s parent, but I do favor Lesa’s perspective when it comes to trying to preserve children’s innocence as much as possible. I hope the therapy and healing is at least productive for her son.