Artist Profile: Sabrina Carpenter

Sabrina Carpenter, the artist behind summer hits “Espresso” and “Please Please Please,” recently released her highly anticipated sixth studio album, Short n’ Sweet, to critical acclaim. The Onion shares what you need to know about the singer. 

Birth Name: Disney Project 874C

Genre: Blonde

Height: 6-foot-7 with a 7-foot wingspan

Vocal Style: Precision-tooled breeziness

Songwriting Technique: Gun pointed at Jack Antonoff 

Most Famous Lyric: “’Tis I, the coming of the dawn.”

Cheat Meal: Licking a printed photo of mac and cheese

Dream Collaborator: Vladimir Nabokov

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