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I don't want to label my sexuality, so I've decided not to come out to my friends or family

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The author, not pictured, doesn't feel the need to come out.
  • I'm attracted to people regardless of their gender — even though most people assume I'm straight.
  • I don't feel the need to come out in any traditional sense because I don't want to label myself.
  • I understand this is a privilege, but labeling sexuality seems like a thing of the past.

As a woman who is attracted to men, everyone has always assumed that I am straight. I've never felt the need to correct them.

From a young age, I've known that I'm attracted to all types of people, regardless of gender. For a long time, I felt something was wrong with me. As I've gotten older, I've realized that it's an amazing aspect of who I am.

I've also realized I don't need to "come out" in a traditional sense to feel at ease with my sexuality. Many people in my life have come out to their families and friends at different stages of life, and it's been an important step for them.

But I keep coming back to the idea that I don't want to put a major emphasis on my sexuality so that I'm not boxed in by a label.

I'm not coming out in any traditional sense

I've often asked myself: What does it mean to come out? Does it mean I sit down with every person in my life and let them know my sexual preference? Does it mean I just correct people's assumptions as they arise?

Personally, I have no interest in having one-on-one conversations with my family members — or even my friends — just to tell them who I'm attracted to. That's the traditional way most queer people come out, but I just don't find it necessary for my own journey.

I also feel like I haven't hidden who I am from the people closest to me. With friends, I frequently express my attraction to people of all genders, but it's usually a casual mention and not a formal "coming out." I have a very queer support system and community, so they understand sexuality is a spectrum, so I've never pretended to be anything I'm not.

If the people in my life have been paying attention, my queerness should come as no surprise. I'm more than open to discussing my sexuality with friends if the topic comes up naturally, but I'm not going out of my way to traditionally come out.

As for family, they will see this side of me if I ever end up in a long-term, committed relationship with someone of the same gender. Until then, I don't think it's really any of their business who I am attracted to.

I understand that I say all of this with some privilege

Because the societal standard is heterosexuality, my sexuality is often assumed because I am attracted to the opposite gender. I realize that this gives me the privilege of "passing" as straight. I also know this privilege allows me to move through spaces without worrying about my safety or emotional well-being.

Many queer people don't have this option and are therefore vulnerable to hatred — or at the very least misunderstanding — from intolerant and ignorant people. Plus, many are forced out of the closet and forced to define their label simply because they don't "pass."

I don't take this privilege lightly and think it's important to acknowledge it. I don't have to have conversations with my family about my sexuality because they easily presume whatever they want. That's a privilege.

Still, I feel I can authentically be myself without assigning a label to my sexuality. I know that this is unusual, but it's a growing trend. Gen Z has become more open to the idea of shedding sexuality labels entirely.

I find labels to be stifling and limiting. Labels give people an idea of how they should perceive you and what they might expect from you, but I don't find that helpful.

I love discovering things about people as I get to know them, and that's how I prefer others to engage with me as well. I'd rather look past that label and work beyond assumptions.

Editor's Note: Business Insider has verified the identity of the author but has chosen to keep her anonymous to not out her.

Read the original article on Business Insider