My girlfriend is getting too cosy with a work colleague & we stopped having sex
DEAR DEIDRE: I USED to be the envy of my friends with a girlfriend a decade younger than me, but since I’ve become a grandad, my fortunes have changed.
We’ve gone from having a great sex life and relationship to the brink of splitting up within a few months.
And now I’m worried she is getting too cosy with a work colleague.
I’m 49, she’s 38 and we met at a gym.
I’ve always taken good care of my fitness and she was taken aback when I told her how old I was.
Still, we fancied the pants off each other and when we got together 12 years ago she loved teasing me and calling me her sugar daddy.
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But when I became a grandparent she said it was a complete turn-off and now the intimacy has disappeared from our relationship.
I love to cuddle and kiss my partner and be playful but now she withdraws when I touch her.
I have a grown-up son from a previous marriage and my partner and I have a six-year-old daughter between us.
My son and his wife have recently had a beautiful baby girl. I’m so proud of her but my partner is embarrassed.
Around the same time that my granddaughter arrived, I saw photos on her phone where she was cosying up to a colleague.
Something about her reaction to my questions told me there was more to it — although she insists nothing happened.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
I’ve seriously started to consider walking away.
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s time to calmly sit down and talk.
Explain that you are feeling shut out and are unhappy.
The age gap between you is, of course, the same as it always was.
And while some people feel that becoming a grandparent is ageing, you are still fit and healthy and have not changed at all.
Reassure her that no one is asking her to take on the role of grandmother.
Tell her how much you love her, but that you cannot stay in a sexless relationship forever and need to resolve this before it breaks up your family.
A good sexual relationship is key for the wellbeing of a couple, so explain this is not simply about sexual urges but about connection and feeling wanted.
If she is willing, some sex and relationship counselling will help.
Contact the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (cosrt.org.uk).