Woke? Nope. Back to Sleep.

There is only one thing that bothers me more than waking up and that is being woken up. I hate waking up in the morning, getting up, rousing, getting out of bed, and all that. If I could, I would work horizontally. So I’m never going to be convinced by some obnoxious slogan that enthusiastically proclaims, “Wake up!” This is why I have decided to lead a new social movement, a movement that will truly unite the world across races, ages, and cultures, a movement with which we will attain world domination because there are more of us, we are better and, above all, we are much smarter; my movement will be called: Sleep!

Painkillers, anxiolytics, anesthesia, drugs, alcohol, television, the atomic bomb, all the important inventions of the last centuries were meant to stupefy us, not to wake us up. Were all our ancestors wrong? Who do you trust more, your great-grandparents or Kamala Harris? Who would you buy a second-hand president from? I just know you’re on my team. (READ MORE: Sound of Hope: Step Up for Children)

Don’t get up! Rest! Calm down! Be silent! Be still! All these exclamations are heavenly music to my ears. The Left seems comfortable counterposing woke ideas to extreme right-wing ideas. But their theory doesn’t work. Definition of far right: everything that the Left abhors. If I used the same thought pattern, my ultra-right would be cabbage soup. So the antonym of woke is not right, but common sense, and at best, laziness or sloth, the only cardinal sin that is sin, I suppose, but not so cardinal.

The rules of my Sleep! catechism will be based on three major statements of principle:

1) What do you care?

2) Leave me alone!

3) Postpone for five minutes.

My particular BLM is SM (Sleep Matters). Forget about massive demonstrations. That’s noisy and you have to walk too much. In the digital age, it’s easier to demonstrate behind a hashtag on Twitter than with a banner traipsing through the streets and bothering everyone. The basis of Sleep! is solidarity; ie. sleep and let sleep.

Just Stay Put

Racism? There are more people out there on the lookout than there are racists. Harassing someone because of the color of their skin implies actually harassing someone. I break out in a sweat just thinking about it. Sometimes I think one of the reasons for the birth of Wokism is that the Left doesn’t know how to be on its own. It needs a reason to be en masse, jumping, screaming, and burning trash cans.

Normal people who have this same restlessness are fond of some sport in which they can shout and hit things: in the United States, football, in Europe, soccer. But the Left needs a more intellectual cause than just scoring a goal, such as making us believe that Biden is in perfect health to lead the West. Be that as it may, progressives love the woke movement because they love the masses, the noise, and the fire. And the only masses I love are masses of pizza. I get enough noise from Cardi B records. And as for the fire, I only need it for the cigarette before bed. (READ MORE: The Tories’ Immigration Policies Spawned This Chaos)

Feminism? Haven’t you guys screwed over enough girls yet? My theory — don’t tell anyone — is that the Left deeply hates women, that’s why they want to turn them into dudes via sex change, encourage them to have abortions, and teach them to hate the family: to extinguish them.

By the way, sex change? Jesus Christ, do you know how much that hurts? Just stay put.

Multiculturalism? Horrible word. Just pronouncing it makes you imagine a market crowded with strange people, shouting, stepping on each other, and speaking in languages that are impossible to learn if you were not born on top of an oil well or under a cactus. The opposite of multiculturalism is localism, my neighborhood, the simple life, the culture we all know: good food, good drink, friends to argue with, and the occasional sports competition so I can yell at the TV from time to time. To hell with the sum of cultures and other woke nonsense. Send that to sleep too.

I’m Sleepy. We’ll Start Tomorrow.

Environmentalism? In the hypothetical case that global warming was real and that you and I could do something about it, a true Sleeper! would never do it. As lovers of sleeping inaction, our ultimate goal is to sleep forever. If the world explodes, our paradise will come: Eternal sleep!

And finally, I confess that there is also a powerful aesthetic reasoning behind all of this. Woke is Kamala Harris, Whoopi Goldberg, and Nancy Pelosi. Sleep! is Ivanka Trump, Holly Balance, and Eva Vlaardingerbroek. You know which of the two movements you want to fund. (READ MORE: Tell VP Harris, VPs Lose Presidential Elections)

Anyway, friends, we are the Sleepers! and we are going to change the world and sweep the woke culture from every corner of the planet. No doubt about it. But not today, I’m sleepy, we’ll start tomorrow.

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