J.D. Vance, “Cat People,” and the “Childless” Presidents

Senator J. D. Vance, the Republican vice presidential nominee, has a new measure of how we decide who should lead our government: Does the person have children? Vance has argued that you cannot lead the nation without raising children who share your DNA. In one of his famous airings of this opinion with Tucker Carlson, he cited Vice President Kamala Harris (who is a stepmother), Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg (who, unbeknownst to Vance or the public at the time, was in a struggle to adopt two children with his husband) and Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez who had and has the temerity to be single in her early 30s. (The aspiring Vice Procreator didn’t get around to marrying until he was 29.)

Vance told Carlson that “childless cat ladies” should not hold political office because they have “no direct stake” in America. He has walked it back sarcastically, saying he has “nothing against cats.” It is a curious argument. One wonders if this would also apply to Catholic priests and nuns, who also don’t have children. Does it only apply to presidents, or should we prohibit all childless people from serving in Congress or the Cabinet? Vance suggested that those who are not biological parents should be taxed at higher rates. (We already subsidize kids through myriad tax breaks, including child deductions, education deductions, student loans, joint filing, etc.) Vance has suggested, with apparent seriousness, that children be given the vote, but their parents should control their franchise until they reach 18, giving Octomoms an outsized role in determining our nation’s destiny. He hasn’t addressed who gets the kids’ votes if there is a divorce.

The 39-year-old intimates that those who have not cast their chromosomes into the future lack a magical insight into the issues that confront a president on a day-to-day basis, like how to negotiate with a foreign leader, who should chair the Federal Reserve, or how to improve the U.S. Postal Service. I am sure that settling arguments between squabbling toddlers in the minivan—like negotiating with House Republicans—will prepare you for some presidential tasks, but it is hard to imagine why he believes this to be the case for most presidential decisions.

Senator Vance is smart and can do research. You can’t be on the Yale Law Journal as he was without being able to do superb research. But sadly, the self-styled hillbilly has not looked at any history. Had he done so, he would have encountered presidents who have not parented their children.

George Washington was a pretty good president. We venerate him. He has the tallest monument in Washington D.C.; he is on a coin (the quarter) and a bill ($1, although sometimes, to Vance’s likely shock, called a “single”). Washington is the “father of our country” but did not father children.

How committed was George Washington to his country? He led the American armies from 1775 to 1783 during the Revolution. Senator Vance was a United States Marine, and I honor him for his service. But, unlike General Washington, he never saw combat, never smelled gunpowder, and did not risk his life. The 39-year-old Ohioan has said of his service that he was “lucky to escape any real fighting.”

Washington is considered one of our three greatest presidents. He spent 16 years in national service, leading the army for half that time and leading the nation for the other half, including his wise and forever-lauded decision to leave after two terms. Like Kamala Harris, he was the stepfather to the son and daughter of his spouse. (Martha was a widow.)

How committed was James Madison to the future? After the Constitutional Convention, he smoothed ratification by writing some Federalist Papers. In Congress, he wrote and introduced the Bill of Rights (which accrues, by the way, to individuals, not mothers and fathers). Madison was in Congress for a decade, Secretary of State for eight years, and president for eight years. He is called the Father of the Constitution and the Father of the Bill of Rights. But he did not father any children. Like Washington, he married a widow with a child and was a stepfather. But for Vance, who was partially raised by a stepfather, that does not count.

Andrew Jackson was a soldier, senator, judge, and president. He was the hero of the Battle of New Orleans. The Tennessean risked his life in combat. He fathered no children but adopted the child of his wife’s deceased brother and also raised an orphan from the Creek nation. Thus, Jackson was not a father, and Vance might consider Old Hickory “woke” or a DEI hire because he was involved in an interracial adoption while not having children. Would Vance have the guts to insult Jackson by calling his wife a “cat woman.” After all, Jackson fought duels to defend the honor of his wife.  

James K. Polk was the Speaker of the House, Tennessee governor, and president. A captain in the Tennessee militia, he led the nation in the Mexican-American War. Was he sufficiently concerned about the future? Of course not, since he was childless

James Buchanan was our only bachelor president. There is significant evidence that he was gay. He never married, and there is no evidence that he fathered any children. Did he care about the nation and its future? He spent ten years in the House of Representatives and 11 in the Senate. In addition, he served as secretary of state and president. As potentially our only gay president, would Vance call him a diversity choice and a Cat Man?

 Warren G. Harding, like Vance, was a Republican Senator for Ohio. In 1921, he became president. He had no children with his wife, Florence King, who he married when he was 26. Thus, by Vance’s understanding, Harding should not have been president. He did have extra-marital affairs and fathered a daughter with one of his mistresses. Harding adamantly denied the affair and the paternity. However, DNA testing convincingly shows he was the father. Vance hasn’t weighed in on whether children by a paramour is a presidential qualification, but there are still almost 100 days until November.

In the century since Harding died in office, every president has been a father. Most had only one or two children, although Franklin Delano Roosevelt had six, as did George H.W. Bush, while Ronald Reagan had five (with two wives). Was FDR, with six children, a more outstanding patriot than Washington, with none? I think not. Commitment to the nation’s future is hardly measured by whether one has biological children or fancies cats. At 39, another Republican vice-presidential candidate, Richard Nixon, saved his controversial nomination from the ticket with his famed “Checkers” speech, denying accepting improper gifts and defending one in particular—the family’s cocker spaniel. Senator Vance may want to take a page from Nixon and consider a prime-time address, apologizing to cats and citizens alike.

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