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2024

The Army Isn’t Satisfied With What The Rock Was Cooking

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If Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson owed me money, personally, I would just glance at his furrowed  brow and ginormous arms and say, “Don’t worry about it.” But the United States Army seems to feel differently.  Earlier this year, the Army entered into an $11 million marketing contract with Johnson and the United Football League, a minor American league that Johnson owns, in an attempt to attract more young men to enlist. You know, lure in the boys (and gals, sure) with glamorized displays of brawn and machismo. However, now that the UFL season has concluded, the Army says that the superstar and former pro-wrestler did not live up to his end of the deal.  According to internal docs, reviewed by Military.com, Johnson only posted two of the agreed-upon five Instagrams he was meant to post, the last one being a video of his visit to Walter Reed Military Hospital in April. “In total, the Army wants to recoup $6 million from the UFL,” the Military.com article read. Shockingly, the not yet profitable B-list sports league did not inspire a windfall of new military recruits.  In fact, it actually backfired. Not only did the Army spend $11 million on a marketing plan that brought in zero recruits, but an internal review shows the service arm actually lost 38 enlistments. Military.com likened the lackluster results to the “National Guard's $88 million NASCAR sponsorship that reportedly didn't lead to a single new soldier joining the ranks.” I suppose these new tactics aren't as effective as cornering angry 17-year-olds on their way to eat their shitty lunch in their school cafeteria.  Supposedly the Army is in a recruitment crisis and has had a hard time reaching Gen Z—and the Pentagon isn't allowed to advertise on TikTok, out of caution that the Chinese-owned app might steal sensitive data. Hence why they're resorting to failed marketing schemes like this one. While I highly doubt The Rock's lack of posting is a protest against the military in any way, it is fun to imagine the Army marketing generals refreshing their Instagram feeds desperately waiting for their wrestler crush to post about them. Is Cardi B pregnant? Is the woman Offset went to a casino with pregnant? Is this all a stunt for an album? I don’t know but here are some paparazzi photos to consider… [TMZ] Speaking of pregnancies….congrats to model Adut Akech! [Vogue] Pete Davidson has canceled some of his tour dates and checked into a mental health facility. [People] ‘“The Queen was a fan too. Rest in peace to the Queen, that was my girl.” - Snoop Dogg. OK! Learning new things! [Capital FM] Well, MyKayla Skinner blocked Simone Biles on Instagram after Biles posted her winning, yet shady, photo caption. [People] Oh to be an Italian Olympic gymnast sponsored by Parmesan cheese. Sigh. [The Guardian] Just learning right now that Pharrell Williams has a biopic about his life coming out, told through Lego Animation. [Deadline]