My lover can’t make up her mind between me and another man
DEAR DEIDRE: My lover can’t make up her mind between me and another man.
When I met her five years ago, I was convinced I’d finally met the one.
When the pandemic happened we ended up having to stay with our individual families – it forced us apart.
She took the isolation hard and ended up moving in with the wrong guy.
I’m 46 and she’s 43. Her boyfriend is also in his 40s.
Three years on, and she’s still with him even though she doesn’t want to be. She’s tried to end things three times, but he is violent towards her and manipulates her into staying.
She tells me she misses me and will break up with him. But on the occasions she has finished with him, she then backtracks and the cycle repeats.
But this latest time, she’s really hurt me. I genuinely thought we were going to be together. We even made plans for my birthday.
I’m not angry or sad, I’m defeated. It’s exhausting having my dreams continuously crushed over and over. I know she loves me, but she won’t leave him out of guilt and obligation.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your ex may truly want to be with you but if this man is violent and controlling, he will also have broken down her self-esteem and confidence.
It is really difficult for domestic abuse survivors to break away from such a destructive relationship.
If it is safe to do so, give her my support pack on Domestic Abuse which details how she can get support.
But you would be wise to get on with your life because as lovely as she is, unfortunately she may never choose to be with you.
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