Welcome to the Party-Boat Olympics
On Friday, Paris celebrated the beginning of the 2024 Olympics in unusual fashion — not, as most countries have done before it, in a stadium, but on the Seine. That wasn’t the only untraditional thing about the city’s Opening Ceremony, which involved a headless Marie Antoinette performing metal opera, Minions under the Seine, a lot of French electronic musicians you haven’t listened to since 2014 (complimentary), and a revolutionary ghost parkouring its way across the Parisian rooftops. Also: CÉLINE!!!!! Technically, none of that was the main event: The city also sent some 10,500 athletes down the river on 85 boats, undeterred — okay, a little deterred — by persistent rain. Here are our favorite moments.
26 seconds of genuinely brilliant direction pic.twitter.com/d0axTUYxoe
— Jarett Wieselman (@JarettSays) July 26, 2024
This #OpeningCeremony has everything. Boats. Parkour. Accordians. A woman dressed as a croissant. More boats. Lady Gaga. pic.twitter.com/asclWZwTNi
— TechnicallyRon (On all the platforms) (@TechnicallyRon) July 26, 2024
Lady Gaga went full showgirl
There’s one thing I would bet my life on and it’s that Lady Gaga will EGOT pic.twitter.com/bni5J4kt9O
— Liv Marks (@OliviaLilyMarks) July 26, 2024
As expected, Lady Gaga did indeed perform Seine-side toward the beginning of the ceremony, appearing under a mountain of pink marabou feathers to sing Zizi Jeanmaire’s “Mon Truc en Plumes.” Gaga wrote on X that the feathery pink poufs her backup dancers used were rented from a “real French cabaret theater,” adding that she was “humbled to be asked by the Olympics organizing committee to sing such a special French song.”
Headless Marie Antoinette
26 seconds of genuinely brilliant direction pic.twitter.com/d0axTUYxoe
— Jarett Wieselman (@JarettSays) July 26, 2024
headless marie antoinette opening ceremony is metal af
— Kimmi Kill Zombie (@kimmikillzombie) July 26, 2024
pic.twitter.com/oLZI76DID8
No matter how many movies I see this summer, the performance that will stick with me most is this iconic Marie Antoinette impersonator holding her own decapitated head while flames shoot up from the moat below her. Did I mention a French heavy-metal band called Gojira started playing a song that was popular during the revolution immediately after this, and then an opera singer joined in? The number ended with dark-red streamers that looked alarmingly like blood. Sofia Coppola could never.
Aya Nakamura linked up with a marching band
La perf d’Aya Nakamura.
— TrashTalk (@TrashTalk_fr) July 26, 2024
Le feat avec la garde républicaine.
Monumental. pic.twitter.com/Anm4fDRqH4
French Malian artist Aya Nakamura looked like a gilded gladiator strutting down the Pont des Arts, coming face-to-face with the marching orchestra of the Republican Guard.
Bhutan’s boat
Bhutan so far wins the award for best boat. #OpeningCeremony pic.twitter.com/3usiJeO7dF
— Benjy Renton (@bhrenton) July 26, 2024
It’s so chic.
A ménage à trois …?
Is this the first thrupple to ever appear in an Olympics opening ceremony pic.twitter.com/xckFiIKRTU
— Zing Tsjeng (@misszing) July 26, 2024
Opening ceremony producers: "What other French words do Americans know?"
— John Karalis ???????????????? (@John_Karalis) July 26, 2024
"Menage a trois?"
[everyone laughs]
"No actually that's a good one. Put that one in there we can work with that"
One of the more … interpretive segments of the evening was a pre-filmed section called “Love & Literature” that revolved around three hot young dancers dressed as students, attempting to read French classics while eyeing each other seductively from the upper mezzanine of a beautiful library. (This was interspersed with live footage of dancers in colorful costumes swaying around on stilts.) Finally, the students abandon their academic pursuits, gallop down the cobblestoned streets, and find a stained-glass window to make out in front of. The camera follows their ménage à trois into an apartment before one of them shuts the door. I’m speechless??
The parkour ghost hit the runway
Throughout all four hours of the ceremony, a ghost dressed as a French revolutionary was indeed doing parkour between rooftops, zip-lining between bistros, and scampering through the Louvre while carrying the Olympic torch. The ghost eventually shed its historic military uniform and mounted a robotic horse to gallop across the last stretch of the Seine and deliver the Olympic flag to the foot of the Eiffel Tower. But before that, it carved out a few minutes to drop by a mini fashion show happening above the Seine, whipping out a few fancy cartwheels, torch in hand. Its long, acrobatic journey through the City of Lights may not have ended with a dramatic admin reveal, but the parkour ghost will remain the star of the Olympics Opening Ceremony in my heart. Well, second to one …
CÉLINE!
???? CEEEEEELLLLLLLIIIIINEEEEEE !
— franceinfo (@franceinfo) July 26, 2024
La reine Dion interprète la chanson finale, l'hymne à l'amour d'Edith Piaf. pic.twitter.com/qFH5lGYWYB
After the traditional lighting of the Olympics cauldron, which was shaped like a hot-air balloon in honor of the first hydrogen-gas balloon flight — thanks to two French inventors, it happened in Paris over the Jardin des Tuileries — none other than Céline Dion took her spot under the Eiffel Tower to sing Edith Piaf’s “Hymne à L’amour.” While the flaming balloon drifted over Paris, Dion, who hasn’t performed publicly for several years while battling a rare neurological disorder, made a triumphant return to the stage in a regal pearly gown. Her moving performance left NBC commentator Kelly Clarkson audibly choked up, declaring, “She’s a vocal athlete.” She really did sing again.
This post has been updated.
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