We're Love Experts, This Is Why Gen Z Are Ditching Monogamy

Back in 2017, the dating app Feeld was founded. Since then, the app has seen a staggering 966% growth in Members who express polyamory or ethical non-monogamy as a desire. 

As polyamory is on the rise, particularly with young people, HuffPost UK spoke with three love experts to learn more about why Gen Z are ditching monogamy. Our experts are:

• Dr Natasha McKeever, a lecturer in Applied Ethics. Her areas of expertise are Philosophy of Love, Philosophy of Sex, Applied Ethics, Ethical Theory. With Dr Luke Brunning, Natasha co-directs the Centre for Love, Sex and Relationships (CLSR).
• Dr Luke Brunning also specialises in Philosophy of love, sex, and relationships; applied ethics; ethics; philosophy of emotion; moral psychology
• Dina Mohammad-Laity, VP of Data at Feeld

 We discussed the rise in polyamory, and what monogamous couples can learn from those that aren’t monogamous.

Q&A with love experts

 What do you think caused the shift away from monogamy for Gen Z?

Mohammad-Laity said: “The shift away from monogamy for Gen Z is a mix of circumstances. We are witnessing a larger scale cultural shift when it comes to relationships and connection in the last few years.

“For Gen Z this shift is possibly even further accelerated by the fact that as digital natives for them intimacy has taken different forms depending on their needs. That’s where monogamy as the only option could feel outdated and not suitable for them. Maintaining relationships online is a big part of how they build relationships.”

Mohammad-Laity revealed that in-house research at Feeld found that Gen Z tend to be more non-monogamous and single compared to Millennials and Gen X. With 48% of Gen Z identifying as LGBT and non-cisgender, they are also the most fluid generation of Feeld.

She added: “They are much more open to relationship structures outside monogamy which has come as a lot more socially embedded for previous generations.”

McKeever and Brunning said: “Ethical non-monogamy is more visible now than it was, and there is more representation and discussion of it in the media — both in more traditional forms of media and social media.”

The experts highlighted that with more fluid patterns of working and living in general, it makes sense that younger people are more open to changing norms as their values are less entrenched, meaning they’re more used to trying and doing new things.

They added: “Also, they may have watched their boomer parents’ relationships fail or run into difficulty and learned that existing relationship norms and practices are not adequate.

Gen Z are often criticised for being ‘puritanical’ - does non-monogamy disprove these allegations?

Mohammad-Laity said: ”The notion that Gen Z is ‘puritanical’ is challenged by the significant interest in non-monogamous relationships within this cohort.

“On Feeld, about a quarter of our global active Members list polyamory or ethical non-monogamy as a Desire, with Gen Z being the fastest-growing Member base on our platform.”

She added that in the past year alone, the dating platform has seen Gen-Z membership grow bny 20%, with Gen Z being the most likely generation to identify outside the gender binary and explore various forms of relationships.

“This growth is indicative of their open-mindedness and willingness to redefine traditional norms. Our introduction of the Celibacy Desire tag, which sparked a 175% increase in social media engagement, further illustrates the wide range of desires and the fluidity that appeals to Gen Z Members.”

McKeever and Brunning said: “It is unclear that Gen Z are ‘puritanical’ – they seem much less heteronormative than previous generations, for example, and are also probably more knowledgeable about sex and relationships than previous generations of young people.

“And if Gen Z appears to be having less sex than previous generations, this could be partly because people are more open and accurate in surveys about the amount of sex they are really having rather than actually having less.”

The experts also highlighted that it is possible to be non-monogamous but still have less sex overall, especially if nonmonogamy facilitates other kinds of intimacy that people value. So if Gen Z are tending more towards non-monogamy this does not mean they are necessarily having more sex.

Very fair point!

What can monogamous couples learn from non-monogamy?

Mohammad-Laity said: ”The best part of a relationship is the connection we build with another human.

“This is what we try to provide at Feeld - a space for meaningful connections. And with that also we have found that people not only expand their horizons by having new experiences but also get to know themselves more intimately. And that is true for all relationship types.

She added that whether you are in monogamous or non-monogamous relationships, embracing constant evolution allows us to accept each other for who we really are.

“Monogamous couples can learn from non-monogamous relationships by fostering open and honest communication and vulnerability. By asking questions and staying curious about what moves and affects each other, couples can maintain a deep, adaptive, and resilient bond.”

McKeever and Brunning said: 

A lot. For example, they can learn about:

• Honest and open communication, and that there are various ways to show love and commitment. Being open about life complexity and relationship goals
• The need to question received social norms and understand their impact on our states of mind and emotional skills. That a decision to be monogamous should be a decision made consciously and reflectively, not just as the default option
• Being flexible with domestic and practical arrangements, being more creative around care labour and childrearing
• Not taking sexual and emotional health for granted
• Distinguishing between disappointment and feeling wronged in a relationship