I used my 55-year-old mum’s body to have a baby in my 20s – she risked everything to help me
HUGGING Mum in the hospital corridor, so many emotions flooded through me. There was hope and worry, but most of all, love.
She was about to undergo an 11-hour operation, but not because of any health problem. Instead, she was having her uterus removed, so it could be donated – to me.
She was risking her life to give me a chance of having the baby I dreamed of.
Growing up, I’d always wanted to be a mum, and I had the best possible role model.
My mother Michelle, now 55, a disability support worker, was warm and kind, and a friend as well as a parent to me.
Just 23 when she had me, as a young mum she was so much fun and we had a strong bond.
Even after I left home at 18 to study to be a dental assistant, we’d speak on the phone every day.
In 2014, I told her about Nick, 31, who I’d met while out with friends. I’d instantly liked this laid-back, kind, handsome surfer.
Soon, I introduced him to Mum, my dad Wayne, 52, and brother Joel, 30, and they were thrilled for us when we got engaged in December 2019.
I suffered huge blood loss
Nick and I married the following April, and then decided to try for a baby.
Two months later, I sadly miscarried at seven weeks, but in July 2020 I became pregnant again.
Mum was already a grandma to Joel’s two children, and she couldn’t wait to meet her third grandchild.
In April 2021, I went into labour naturally, but because of the baby’s position, I needed to have an emergency C-section.
I suffered huge blood loss after the delivery and was drifting in and out of consciousness.
I remember feeling terrified and, when I heard a doctor say I needed a hysterectomy to save my life, I began to sob, asking for Mum.
Then everything went black.
Forty-eight hours later, I woke from an induced coma with a tube in my throat, covered in wires.
My beautiful 7lb 11oz daughter, Violet, was placed in my arms and, despite feeling deeply shocked and traumatised, I loved her instantly. We spent 10 days in hospital before Nick could take us both home.
My emotions were in turmoil.
I felt so happy to be a mum and I adored Violet, but I was also grieving, knowing I’d never have another baby.
I felt guilty for not just enjoying her, and so sad about what had been taken away from me.
I was petrified that if people knew how I felt, they’d think I was a bad parent.
The only person I opened up to, apart from Nick, was Mum, who reassured me that I was doing a fantastic job.
‘Mum kept reminding me that she was fit, healthy and determined. She wanted to help’
Violet was three months old when Mum offered to carry a second baby for me.
I refused her offer, though.
Giving birth had almost killed me, so how could I put my own mum’s life at risk by letting her do that for me?
However, in October 2021, I read that Australia’s first clinical uterus donation trial was happening in Sydney and they were looking for participants.
I’d need to take immunosuppressants for months or even years
Phoning Mum, I felt excited.
She’d been so disappointed when I’d refused her offer to be a surrogate, but here was a new possibility.
She said “yes” without hesitation.
At first, our family were worried.
However, as we underwent physical tests, and Nick and Dad had psychological screenings to ensure they understood the risks, everyone agreed we should carry on.
I knew nothing was guaranteed – we may not be chosen for the trial, or we could struggle to create embryos through IVF, the transplant surgery could fail, or my body might reject the womb.
Then, I might not get pregnant or I could lose a pregnancy.
I’d face the risks of any major surgery and there would be weeks of recovery.
I’d need to take immunosuppressants for months or even years, to stop my body rejecting Mum’s uterus.
But I was mostly worried about Mum.
The surgery was much harder on the donor than recipient, and she’d never had an operation.
I knew the idea scared her, but she kept reminding me she was fit, healthy and determined. She wanted to help.
‘I had her uterus – which I’d grown in as a baby myself – inside me. It was incredible’
After two rounds of IVF in May and June 2022, we had three frozen embryos, and in December came the call I’d been desperate for – we’d been chosen for the trial and surgery was scheduled for the following month.
I was thrilled – and scared
Mum and I were admitted together.
Only when we knew her operation had been a success would I go into theatre.
In our final hug before she went into surgery, I was overwhelmed with what she was about to do for me.
I’d never loved her more.
Time crawled by as I waited for updates.
I was so relieved to hear it had gone well.
Then, heart thumping, it was my turn.
Waking up in a daze six hours later, I saw Mum in bed across the room and she gave me a little wave.
When the doctor said the surgery had gone to plan, I felt relief and awe. I had Mum’s uterus – which I’d grown in as a baby – inside me.
It was incredible.
In May, I had a single embryo transfer and, two weeks later, a blood test confirmed I was pregnant.
It felt like a dream come true.
I immediately called Mum and we were both in tears at this miracle.
Doctors monitored me regularly, which helped me stay calm, and when I was 37 weeks pregnant, I was admitted to hospital for a planned C-section.
Mum was there with Nick, and we all watched in amazement as Henry, who weighed 6lb 3oz, was lifted out of the uterus Mum had given me.
After Nick and I held him, he was placed in Mum’s arms – he was only in the world thanks to her courage.
We haven’t decided yet if we’l try for another baby
I can keep Mum’s womb for five years or two live births, then it has to be removed – this is normal with uterus transplants, so the recipient doesn’t have to take immunosuppressants for life.
We haven’t decided yet if we’ll try for another baby.
Mum and I were already close, and this experience has added to our bond.
It’s incredible what we have been through.
When Henry is old enough, we’ll explain how he came to be born.
For now, I’m enjoying my six-month-old son, and feeling so much gratitude for his brave grandma, without whom he wouldn’t be here.”
Photography: Are Media