Mr. Pancake arrested with hamsters in his pants

Matthew Pancake is being held on a $10,000 bond.

COLUMBUS, OHIO — Matthew Pancake has been arrested in Columbus this week following a spate of break-ins, which included a pet store, leaving animals loose to run around the parking lot of a strip mall.

Pancake, identified by wearing a leopard print onesie, was eventually apprehended by police following a tip from a citizen. Officers then discovered that Pancake’s pants were packed with hamsters.

An Ohio judge set Pancake’s bond at $10,000 for the break in, and remarkably no animals were harmed, despite Pancake being wrestled to the ground by police where they were overheard on body-worn cameras yelling “GET ON YOUR BELLY, PANCAKE!” They then had to round up numerous animals that were loose, including several dogs and birds, with one of the bird biting an officer’s finger.

Police are heard in the above video yelling “There’s gerbils in his pants!” However closer identification revealed that the rodents were actually hamsters, not gerbils. Key differences between hamsters and gerbils include tail and face length, with gerbils having longer, more pronounced tails, as well as narrow rat-like faces. Meanwhile hamsters traditionally have short, stubby tails and broader faces. In addition common domesticated gerbils are descendants of desert rats from Turkmenistan, while hamsters are generally considered “new world rodents,” originating from North and South America.

Pancake was charged with breaking and entering, theft, as well as vandalism.