Dear Elon Musk, Cybertrucks Are Ugly

When Elon Musk first announced that Tesla would be producing the fastest, coolest, and most indestructible truck ever, I ignored him. I didn’t think he was joking, and I was pretty sure it would work (Musk tends to get things to work eventually). But I’m the kind of girl who drives a 2015 Subaru Forester and has every intention of doing so until the backseat is full of car seats and goldfish crumbs.

I thought I could live in a world where Californians in Silicon Valley drove absurd hunks of stainless steel to their cushy tech jobs at Google, and they wouldn’t bother me. I was wrong. Over the last 30 days, I have passed three Cybertrucks on the road — and I live in Ohio. (READ MORE: Mars is Earth’s Destiny)

My 10-year-old brother has the appropriate response: “That’s awesome.”

My response was less enthusiastic: “Wow, those are ugly.”

In bringing this topic up with the men in my life, I’ve discovered most men have something of the 10-year-old boy in them, and that’s great. (I just finished reading C.S. Lewis’s “Men Without Chests;” men should be allowed to dream about cool cars just as women should be allowed to dream about happy sourdough starters.)

These men rightfully point out that there is a problem with our modern consumerist society — namely, we don’t create things that will last. Trucks will eventually rust out, engines will eventually stop running, and drivers will eventually pine for the newest, coolest vehicle. You’re lucky if your car or truck makes it over 200,000 miles. (READ MORE: Elon Musk, Enemy of the Managers)

Musk’s Cybertruck solves that problem. It’s built with an exoskeleton of stainless steel that can absorb the impact of a sledgehammer without damage and won’t rust. Because it’s electric, it has fewer moving parts, and dying spark plugs will never be an issue.

Point taken. It’s durable, and it will last.

But here’s the thing. Could we at least agree that it shouldn’t be an eyesore?

Cybertrucks are supposed to look futuristic. They’re supposed to stand out from everything else on the road. But they look like a piece of modern art — Picasso couldn’t have dreamed up a worse design.

I’m convinced that asking for an objectively beautiful vehicular design isn’t an exercise in futility — after all, cars have been beautiful before. Look at the 1937 Alfa Romeo 8C 2900B, for example (yes, I googled “10 most beautiful cars” and picked the best result) or the 1940 Ford pickup truck. My faithful Subaru doesn’t quite meet that standard, but it’s more elegant than a Cybertruck. (READ MORE: The Human Disappearing Act: Why Are We Not Reproducing?)

In 60 years, when my grandkids learn to drive the minivan I bought from Tesla in 2030, they should admire it for its beauty, not just because it’s still running.

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