I’m scared about what will happen when I go to vote

As I opened the envelope last summer – during the beginning of warmer weather and, aptly, of Pride season – I felt like I was opening the next chapter of my life.

The envelope contained my deed poll – a legal document that proved I changed my name – and receiving it was one of the most joyful and emotional moments of my transition.

I identify as non-binary; and the deed poll confirmed my name is – at long last – Dee Whitnell. 

Of course, I had to celebrate with my own ‘name day’ cake in the shape of a heart, which I ate in 24 hours by myself.

But I haven’t always been able to celebrate my identity in this way – far from it.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve never felt like a girl or a boy.

I didn’t fit into either group at school, and either isolated myself by hanging out on my own because I thought I was the only one to experience these feelings, or threw myself into hyper-femininity to try to convince myself that I was a girl.

I grew my hair long, fake-tanned and wore my school skirt rolled up to make it shorter – because that’s what the girls did.

It wasn’t until I saw an episode of Hollyoaks, which featured a trans character, Jason Costello (previously Jasmine Costello), played by Victoria Atkin, that I had my first lightbulb moment.

Finally, someone understood how it felt to feel so confused in your body, and finally gave me a word to put to that feeling: dysphoria.

The only issue was that this character was a trans man, and for a while, I thought perhaps I too was a trans boy.

Exploring my masculinity was really freeing, but it didn’t feel right. I wasn’t a boy.

Fast forward to my early twenties and, one day in the middle of lockdown, I had my second lightbulb moment when I discovered the term non-binary randomly on Instagram.

Instantly, I knew this identity was mine. It explained every concern, issue or feeling I had about myself, my body, my identity and how others saw and spoke about me. I could finally put a word to my feelings and expression.

Since then I’ve been openly non-binary and exploring my transness and queerness online, mostly on social media like Instagram and Tiktok – and I made the leap to change my name in 2023 to something that felt more me and genderless.

There is so much legal pushback when it comes to being non-binary

Changing my name by deed poll meant submitting an online form and paying a fee. 

While I had been out as non-binary, using they/them pronouns, in every area of my life since I discovered the label, it wasn’t until I legally changed my name that I decided to tell my family that I identify as non-binary. 

I think they were more confused about my name change than my gender identity.

My mum struggled with getting her head around why I wanted to legally change my name, rather than just go by ‘Dee’ and have my deadname on legal documents. 

But she also told me she always had a feeling about how I identify, so it wasn’t a shock per say, just something she’d have to practise and get accustomed to.

However, even though it’s been pretty smooth sailing with my friends and family, there is so much legal pushback when it comes to being non-binary.

Not only am I legally not recognised, but in regards to legislation, I’ve never seen non-binary folks represented in any form of media, or even considered when exploring identities which differ from cisgender unless it’s to use my identity as a political pawn.

So of course, I am glad there’s a general election, and I want to vote – but as a non-binary person, that’s difficult.

Not only do I have to face the constant churning of anti-trans+ manifestos, headlines and debates – which means I have to distance myself from political discussions for my own wellbeing – but I have to jump through hoops just to simply exercise my democratic right to vote.

The government’s demand of ‘photo ID’ means that non-binary folks like myself have to apply for further ID, or risk being turned away or outed at the polling station. 

I have a deed poll, but unfortunately, as of right now, my passport and driver’s licence don’t reflect my new name. This means if I go to the polls with my current ID, which has my deadname on it, I could be turned away – because the electoral register has my new name on it.

You may be asking: ‘Dee, why haven’t you updated your legal documents?’

Well that’s simple really: money, time and difficulty. Not only is it costly and time-consuming, but as I am non-binary and use the title ‘Mx’, updating my legal documents is harder than for binary trans+ people.

For example, when updating your passport because you’ve transitioned, they ask if your gender identifier has changed. I can’t change mine as a non-binary gender marker isn’t an option.

It isn’t this magical moment, like opening my deed poll letter. Rather it’s a lot of explaining, having my identity criticised and analysed and having to pay for the privilege. 

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With these additional barriers when it comes to voting, it’s easy to understand why so many non-binary people may avoid going to the polls because the process is not made for non-binary people or those who have updated their name and/or gender on their ID.

Like many trans+ people, I decided to complete a ‘Voter Authority Certificate’. This is an additional free photo ID provided for folks like me.

However, during this process I was told by the website that I could simply take my deed poll and my passport and should be allowed to vote, as my photo still looks like me because I haven’t medically transitioned… but ‘should’ doesn’t fill me with confidence.

What happens if I am turned away because my ID name doesn’t match my name on the electoral register? Will I then have to out myself and explain my situation in an environment which may not be queer-friendly? 

Well, I’m banking on the ‘should’ and will hopefully vote in this general election. And I was told that I didn’t need a Voter Authority Certificate, so I’m risking it.

Even though there are barriers put in place for trans+ people, those who can vote, should vote – so we can ensure things change for the better for our community.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

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