My wife only wants sex if we’re planning on making a baby – I’ve become so frustrated

DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife only seems interested in sex if we are planning on making a baby – and we have four kids already.

I’ve become so frustrated due to the lack of intimacy.

We are both 38 and had our children in quick succession. Our twins are five and we have a younger boy and baby girl.

My wife always tells me she’s too tired but the kids are good and they are all in bed by seven o’clock.

I think about sex all the time and I have to beg her for it because she never makes the first move.

I’m lucky if we have sex once a month. I’ve taken to using pornography for sexual relief and my wife knows but doesn’t care.

DEIDRE SAYS: When your wife says she is tired, she means it. She’s probably exhausted if she’s looking after four little ones.

She may also be lacking in body confidence.

Show you understand she won’t have the same energy but gently remind her she’s part of a couple, not just a mum.

Explain how some intimacy, albeit less regular, is good for both of you individually and as a couple.

Remember, romance can start outside the bedroom – a loving note at breakfast, for example.

Also, ensure you are looking after the kids regularly so your wife has a chance to relax.

My support pack, Sex Problems After A Baby, explains more.