In the age of online dating, men are not necessarily looking for the same thing as women are hoping to find

If you’re looking for an answer, you’ve come to the wrong place.

My Crying Millennial is bemoaning her recent failed Bumble date. When she asked her date, so do we meet up again? He shrugged.

“What does that mean?! Is that it? I get a shrug?”

“Maybe it’s not meant to be. He’s out there for you. Claim it. What other clichés can I offer you?,” I said. “How about another margarita?”

Bumble is a dating app designed to address feminist sensibilities. Women make the initial contact. This was meant to empower women in the dating app scene.

Women choose. Men wait to be chosen. Very empowering indeed. Except when you get a shrug.

My Boomer friends were shocked. That exists here in the Philippines? Geez, where have you been?!?

Swipe left… or right

This is how it works. The app suggests potential matches based on your profile. You get to view them on your phone. You swipe left to reject and swipe right if you want to have a conversation. Dead silence and shock follows from the Boomers.

Comes my Hopeful Gen-Xer. She would opt for a phone call before meeting. Some people might appear charming in texts, but are a completely different story over the phone. My nephew even said if the prospect committed any grammatical errors, this would be a no-go.

If he/she/they/them pass the phone test, you can meet for coffee (no promises for a long meeting over dinner; well, that’s dating 101 right?). Then with some chemistry and luck, you might have a match, not just for the short term, but perhaps the rest of your life?

My Hopeful Gen-Xer has very stringent filters in her profile. Minimum height requirement, education, of course age (no younger men please).

“The problem with those filters,” said My Evolved Gen-Zer “is you limit yourself.” She explained: “There might be some ‘compact’ guys out there that may overcome the height challenge with their wit and charm. Tom Cruise – case in point.”

“Would you recommend Bumble?”

My Evolved Gen-Zer’s quick answer is NO.

Because as has been discovered in the years since its establishment in 2014, women have found that more often than not, their Bumble dates end up with the My Crying Millennial scenario.

My personal observation? Men are not necessarily looking for the same thing as women are hoping to find. 

True, enduring

“Mind you, Bumble is a business,” said My Evolved GenZ-er. “You have to pay extra to enjoy added features like reviewing your previous likes, in case the current batch doesn’t  work out. Much like paying for a no-ads subscription to YouTube. At the end of the day, your profile is there on Bumble and in effect, you become a product of Bumble.” 

One needed a minute to process that.

 “I want what you had. A true and enduring love. Someone that I would be happy to cook for. Hell, I’ll even fold his clothes for him!,” added the Hopeful Gen-Xer. 

So much for women’s lib.

Conservatives 1. Libbers 0.

What makes us want to fold clothes for our partners? I’m no expert, but I suspect, it’s nesting. The human offspring cannot survive in the wild on its own. It needs both parents to survive. One to hunt for food and the other to nurse, nurture, and keep the cave warm and protected from predators.  

“It’s also a matter of luck,” said My Evolved GenZ-er. “You just have to put yourself out there and hopefully (Hopeful Gen-Xer) you will find that love of your life.”

Will the filters bring My Hopeful Gen-Xer and Crying Millennial closer to the love of their lives? I wonder what kind of likes you would get if you wrote, “Looking for the love of my life” in your Bumble profile? 

In the Blue Zones, couples who grew old together enjoy longevity. They are blessed.

In Greek mythology, humans rolled around the earth with 4 arms, 4 legs and 2 faces. Zeus feared they would become too powerful and split them in half. We have since been doomed to search for our “other half.” Remember Jerry Maguire’s “You complete me”?

Some of us have had days filled with laughter, warm embraces, quiet nights and brilliant sunrises holding on to that one love of our lives. We treasure those days. Aren’t we the lucky ones?

Until we are reunited, we find solace in writing poetry.

In Chiyoda-Ku Without You (for IVR)

Not too often

you sit and wait for the inevitable

moment of emptiness.

But often enough

you sit and watch

the leaves caress your memories.

The photo above shows me with my IVR, the late Ilkka Vilho Ruso, ambassador of Finland to Malaysia and the Philippines, 1992-1997. – Rappler.com

Bing Caballero returns to the literary scene after a long hiatus. She may be remembered for Ishmael Bernal’s Broken Marriage (Urian best screenplay with Jose Carreon) and her Palanca Award for Poetry Songs in Three Continents. The column’s name was inspired by Dan Beuttner’s work on the world’s blue zones.