My wife can’t stop messaging other men – should I leave?
DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife messages other men behind my back while she’s in the loo, but I don’t have the heart to kick her out.
Even though I’ve seen all the evidence of her cheating, I still love her.
We’ve been married for eight years. I’m 36 and she’s 34.
For the last year, our relationship has been going downhill. She barely speaks to me and she never wants sex.
I tried making things better by buying her flowers and taking her away for the weekend, but it didn’t help.
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She spent all her time on her phone, claiming she had to work.
I started to get suspicious that she was talking to other guys, as she would even sleep with her phone next to her, and take it into the bathroom.
So one morning, while she was still asleep, I slipped her phone out from her pillow.
There were lots of flirty messages from other guys, who she seemed to have met online.
Some of them were sexual. I felt sick.
I put the phone back and haven’t said anything.
But I can’t carry on like this. What should I do?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: I’m sorry to say things won’t get better unless you confront her. And they may get worse.
You need to talk to her and find out why she’s been doing this.
Ask her if she’s unhappy and say how you feel. Tell her you suspect she’s cheating – you don’t need to mention you’ve seen her phone.
My support pack on Cheating might be helpful to read.
If you still love her, tell her you want to work on your marriage and suggest couples counselling Contact Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org, tel: 020 7380 1960).