How do I deal with my colleagues workplace affair?
DEAR DEIDRE: A WOMAN in my team at work is having an affair with another colleague and it’s really getting me down.
Not only is it causing problems in the office, but I’m also really worried about her mental health as she seems obsessed with him. I think he’s just using her for sex.
I’m 43 and she is 28. The man she’s having an affair with is 38, and married.
When she joined the team, she seemed nice. But then she and our colleague started flirting very obviously in the office.
It soon became obvious they were sleeping together. They’d disappear off for hours, and even when she was at her desk, her output declined.
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That meant the rest of us had to pick up her work, making us resentful.
I tried talking to her, but she just said she was ‘in love’, as if that made it all ok.
Now it’s clear her lover is getting sick of her. She follows him around like a sick puppy, and messages him non-stop.
He clearly has no intention of leaving his wife and he’s started booking lots of off-site meetings to get away from his lover.
He even told one colleague he thought she was ‘cuckoo’.
I don’t know what to do about this situation. I feel sorry for her and don’t want to get her sacked, but I’m also annoyed by her behaviour.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Workplace affairs can cause problems for others in the organisation, which is why many companies frown on them, or forbid them.
Find out your company’s policy – it may be in the staff handbook – and talk discreetly to your manager and/or HR.
Stress the effect on your team, but also make it clear that you don’t want to get your colleague into trouble.
It sounds like she is vulnerable and may have been taken advantage of by her lover, especially if he’s in a senior role.
She may need mental health support, which HR might be able to help with too.
Perhaps it would help if you spoke to her again and said you were worried.
Get advice from your union, if you belong to one, or ACAS (acas.org.uk, 0300 123 1100) which has a free, confidential helpline.