I’m in miserable sexless marriage – I’ll divorce wife if she doesn’t find counsellor

DEAR DEIDRE: I AM miserable in a sexless marriage and feel like giving my wife an ultimatum – either she finds us a counsellor or I’ll divorce her.

We haven’t been physically intimate for at least ten years, and I’m going crazy with frustration.

I’m 57 and she is 55. We have been married for 30 years and have two grown-up daughters.

We tried counselling a few years ago, but she didn’t want to hear what the therapist had to say.

I would gladly try these sessions again, and find someone else to talk to, but she isn’t interested.

But she has admitted she hasn’t been happy for 15 years – which really surprised me.

I’m at the end of my tether. Something needs to change, and quickly, or we might as well just divorce.

What’s the point of continuing if she isn’t interested in working on our relationship?

Our daughters have moved out and are both married. They have their own lives.

I need to know there’s a definite timeline for things to improve, or we will just drift on miserably.

DEIDRE SAYS: A healthy sex life has huge mental health benefits and brings couples closer, so it’s entirely understandable that this has left you feeling frustrated.

But ultimatums can be risky. You have to carry through on them.

And sorting out your sex life isn’t something you can do overnight or pressure her to do.

Talk to your wife about how miserable you are, and tell her you’re on the brink of divorcing her but want to save your marriage.

She is clearly unhappy too. It’s possible being menopausal has impacted her interest in sex, or she may be depressed.

Suggest she sees her doctor. You could both read my support pack, Different Sex Drives?

For specialist counselling, try the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (cosrt.org.uk).