To The Good Dads on Father's Day: You're the Gift

Father’s Day is upon us. And like every year, I’ll play it safe by letting my husband choose a gift he actually wants (I can never narrow it down), and I’ll consent to going on our annual family Father’s Day camping trip without (too much) griping. But even sacrificing an indoor restroom and exposing myself to hordes of hungry mosquitoes for an entire weekend doesn’t seem like enough — because I don’t think anything I could ever do would feel like it truly reflects the depths of my gratitude for all the things he does for our kids. Not even close, really.

I know the importance of a good father because mine left our family when I was 9, and parts of me have always been a little bit broken because of it. No matter how well-adjusted I turned out, I can’t ignore the sadness — grief? — I feel every Father’s Day for what I missed out on as a kid, and am still missing out on today. I may no longer be a child, but every once in a while I still feel a twinge of sorrow at the smallest thing. Just a couple weeks ago, it was a flyer for a father-daughter dance at my kids’ school, the fatherless daughter in me involuntarily surfacing again as a reminder of all the things I never got to experience. So to simply thank my husband for being a good dad to our kids seems woefully insufficient, because the gift he has given them far exceeds any level of admiration I could humanly express.

Kids with good dads never have to feel the sting of thinking about their father and wondering if he’d pick up the phone, if he’d pick them up when they fall, if he would even care. They know that Dad will be there the second they need him, whether it’s for help with a broken toy or a broken-down car or a broken heart. Most importantly, they know that even if they mess up — even if their dad is “mad” at them — he would still go to the ends of the earth to make sure they’re happy and safe.

A good father isn’t just someone who shows up for soccer games or pays for college. He’s a guiding light, a steady hand in a storm. He’s the one who loudly and triumphantly celebrates your victories and whispers encouragement when you stumble. To have a good dad is a treasure, shaping who you are and who you can become, all with a love that’s fierce and unwavering. It’s a value beyond measure to have such a man in your corner.

I watch my husband with our kids and know in my heart that nothing they could ever do would diminish the love in his eyes when he looks at them. When he says he would do anything for them, he unequivocally means it — and their ability to take confidence in that is a blessing which, at this point in their lives, they still take for granted. Our children don’t yet understand the depths of how lucky they are … but I do. There’s never enough to say to the man who makes your kids feel loved and protected and whole without them even realizing it.

I guess I owe a grudging thanks to my own dad for his paltry contributions to my upbringing. You only notice something when it’s missing, and if he hadn’t been so absent from my life, I might have taken for granted a man who gave my own kids a priceless gift. Maybe it takes having a crappy father to truly appreciate a good one. My husband showed me what a good dad is supposed to look like, and it’s a beautiful thing. When I think about my kids having what I never had, the overwhelming level of gratitude that I feel nearly brings me to tears every time.

Happy Father’s Day to the good dads … and to the children of good dads, hug yours extra tightly today, because his steady presence in your life means more than you could ever know.