It’s Officially Hot Dog Season

Do not believe what you’re being sold by Big Solstice: Summer begins on Memorial Day. With that being said, happy summer! And more importantly, happy hot dog season! Hot dogs are, in my estimation, one of the greatest foods ever invented. They’re the people’s food. Portable, not fussy, a blank canvas for your own condiment desires. And anyone can have a hot dog. Don’t eat meat? Have a veggie dog. Pork’s no good? Have a beef frank. Are you a vegan with celiac disease? There is still a hot dog for you out there. Glizzies bring people together.

This hot dog season is particularly special, because it seems that hot dogs have never been more front of mind in our collective consciousness. Maybe I’ve just been on the lookout for them, but hot dogs are having a moment. If you’ve been to Times Square recently, you know that the world’s largest hot dog sculpture is currently on display. Artists Jen Catron and Paul Outlaw have constructed a 65-foot-long dog that shoots confetti every day at noon.

Then there’s baseball, where the dog has been reigning supreme for centuries. Eating a hot dog at a baseball game (major league, minor league, your niece’s T-ball league) is one of the few things this country has managed to get right. In classic American fashion, people have started to wonder how it could be improved. I don’t think that’s possible, but the Trash Pandas, a minor-league team in Madison, Alabama, are certainly trying.

The European mind cannot comprehend this. ???? pic.twitter.com/cniSfHXL7f

— Rocket City Trash Pandas (@trashpandas) May 11, 2024

Yes, a man wearing a hot dog costume is shooting hot dogs into the crowd with what appears to be a modified T-shirt gun. I am not usually a fan of lazy, recycled internet jokes, but I think it is true that the European mind cannot comprehend this. Yes, the Europeans are the ones who brought hot dogs to this country, but this level of stupidity is something that we’ve really perfected in the last century or so.

If getting blasted by a hot dog is a little too intense for you, might I recommend taking a look at what the Seattle Mariners have been up to? Earlier in the month, the team ran a promotion called “Hot Dogs From Heaven.” The concept is simple: In the eighth inning, a bunch of hot dogs gently made their way from the sky to the open hands of baseball fans. Belinda Carlisle’s “Heaven Is a Place on Earth” played while the hot dogs floated down via parachute.

Hotdogs from heaven is my favorite. pic.twitter.com/ebvsfkoiAh

— Jeff (@PugetStout) May 12, 2024

Is that not the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen? I guess you could do that with a burger, but the joie de vivre simply isn’t there. Which brings me to my next point. Hot dog season is special because it is brief. You can order a hot dog at a restaurant, but that feels wrong, no? “I’ll have the hot dog, please.” Ew! A hot dog is meant to be consumed outside, standing up while clutching a beer and a plate of potato salad in your other hand.

Weather permitting, there will be lots of opportunities to eat hot dogs this summer. Will you take them all? Blink and it will be Labor Day and hot dog season will be over. There’s no time to waste. Earlier this year, Kelsey McKinney at Defector tried to determine if the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council is telling the truth when it claims that the average American eats 70 hot dogs per year. That number proved to be preposterous, but here is my challenge to you this hot dog season: Maybe try for 70? It’s definitely impossible, but shoot for the moon and you’ll land among the stars. In this case, the stars are having eaten, like, 15 hot dogs. Sounds pretty good to me!