Porn peeping Toms, sex in aisles & bacon bookmarks – what really goes on at your local library, according to a librarian
YOU might think the only ‘page-turning’ action going on in your local library is within the books – but the reality is very different.
From illicit affairs to visitors jumping on the free WiFi to watch saucy films, librarians see things that are far stranger than fiction.
And with libraries now busier than ever – visits jumped by 71 per cent between 2022 and 2023 and one in three of us now use one – they’re a hotbed of controversy.
One library in Essex was forced to hire guards after 50 incidents of anti-social behaviour in three months, while other libraries have seen youngsters throwing books around and even climbing on the roof.
Nobody knows better about what really goes on inside than the librarians who work there and here, our bookworm – who has manned libraries in the Midlands for more than 30 years – spills the beans…
Public porn peepers
While you might think a library is a sex-free zone, it’s far from it.
Men take advantage of the free Wi-Fi and come in to watch porn.
The first time I witnessed it I was horrified – I was young and didn’t know what I should do.
I ended up taking the very rattly books trolley close to him and started coughing.
One time I caught one man stuffing a magnifying mouse down his trousers so he could examine his private parts in more detail.
Secret librarian
When that didn’t work I switched off his computer at the server.
I never went close enough to see exactly what he was watching but he definitely had his hand under the table.
The library I work in also has a special ‘mouse’ which magnifies text for the short sighted.
One time I caught one man stuffing it down his trousers so he could examine his private parts in more detail.
I walked past and did a double take and then had to rush away because I found it so funny.
Another couple popped in, grabbed books, and got their stamps which they were clearly using as an alibi so they could tell their poor unsuspecting partners they’d been at the library.
Secret librarian
And we are also used as a venue for illicit encounters.
One couple, in their late 40s, met every Thursday morning and never arrived together. She was always there first with bags of shopping.
He’d arrive sheepishly, they’d kiss, then sit together holding hands and whispering like teenagers, while pretending to look at books.
Another couple regularly popped in, grabbed books, and got their stamps which they were clearly using as an alibi so they could trick their poor unsuspecting partners into thinking they’d been at the library.
Why do unfaithful partners choose public places to commit adultery?
Sex and relationship expert Kate Taylor says:
“It’s partly role-playing. By going to public places, cheaters can pretend their relationship is above board. They can enjoy experiencing life as if they were a “proper” couple — without any of the stresses and strains of a full-blown commitment, of course.
“This form of escapism appeals to cheats who don’t want to leave their official relationship. It’s also the thrill of getting caught. Going outside, adulterous couples could be busted at any moment.
“That’s exciting – up to a point. To lower the risk, cheats will often steer clear of their usual haunts. So instead of their local pub, they’ll hit the library.
“Instead of strolling hand-in-hand through their local park, they’ll make out in the car park. This exhibitionism is attractive to cheats who get off on the feeling of being rebellious.”
Read more from Kate about sex and relationships here
After all, a spouse would never suspect you were hooking up with someone else if you said you were popping to the library…
Snot-covered books & bacon bookmarks
People bring books back in a terrible state, dropped in the bath or reeking of smoke.
We have to either air them or throw them away if they’re really bad.
One visitor always used cooked bacon as a bookmark – I will never understand why.
We’d suggest they stopped and they did for a while but then they’d start again – absolutely bizarre.
And there’s so much snot left on the pages which is absolutely vile.
Serious safety concerns
We’ve had some regulars with very odd foibles.
One woman for example always comes in and insists on opening all the windows whatever the weather.
We’re so short staffed that if something did kick off we have very little back up.
Secret librarian
And another one that will only use computer number seven – and if that one isn’t free will stand behind the person on it until they leave.
Libraries are designated ‘warm spaces’ – free community spaces where people can come to stay warm – so you get all sorts in, not just
bookworms.
I worked in a library in Birmingham for a while and a man would come in and just rant about how much he hated the city it was quite disconcerting.
Recently it was suggested that libraries should have panic buttons installed and staff should wear body cams.
I think it’s a good idea, because though I’ve never been seriously worried for my safety I can see how situations could spiral.
We’re so short staffed that if something did kick off we have very little back up.
Drug deaths in the loos
We find drugs in the toilets both, both needles and foil.
So we periodically have to lock the doors so people have to request the keys which would break their habit of thinking it was a
good, regular place to use drugs.
It can be very sad to see people who are clearly regular users, some of them look so ill.
I have heard of people being found dead in the toilets in a library but fortunately that’s never happened in the ones I’ve worked in.
Canoodling on bean bags
We have a group of young teenage boys that come in most Fridays – and shout random swear words loudly.
We call them the ‘sweary boys’.
They usually run away after a minute or so, but if they don’t we ask them to leave.
I have been abused by them, the last time they swore at me in a horrific and very graphic way, which I shouldn’t have to put up with.
Other teenagers come in and canoodle on the bean bags, mostly in winter because it’s warmer in here than the local park.
Some teens are very loud and I know there are libraries that have a huge problem with them, coming in and throwing books around and climbing on the shelves.
You have to kick them out, because it isn’t fair on other people, but a large group of teenage boys is intimidating – and the boys are much worse than the girls.
Boredom & bonking
I also worked briefly in a university library and that was much worse for sex.
The students would get bored and have a saucy break at the back of the library – it was quite well known.
I never caught anyone in the act but did see some quite flushed faces….
I didn’t worry too much as it wasn’t open to the public, they were discreet, and I reckoned other students would see worse in the union bar!
Book rage
‘Book rage’ is rife.
Surprisingly people get really angry if you can’t find the right book for them.
They sometimes come in with the vaguest outline of the plot imaginable and say, ‘you know it’s set in the war, in the big house in the country’.
They then get really frustrated when you can’t identify which book it is!
Dump and run
In the old days mothers would come in and dump their kids while they went shopping.
But these days it isn’t allowed.
But mums and particularly dads will often come in and point their little ones at the children’s section and then sit on their phones ignoring them rather than interacting.
It means we often end up feeling like babysitters.
Grimy rhyme time
At one library I was in charge of doing the weekly rattle and rhyme mothers’ groups.
The toys would live in a box and I’d drag them out once a week – they were literally never cleaned in those days.
But post-pandemic they’re more careful.
There were some very feral children in the group, so I’d strategically place copies of Jo Frost’s super nanny books around hoping that the mothers would pick up on her hints….