Colonel flies flag upside down to protest base golf course fees
SCOTT AIR FORCE BASE, Ill. — A senior officer flew a U.S. flag upside down yesterday at Air Force’s cargo movement headquarters to protest the cost of golfing on base, sources confirm.
Citing congressional direction, Special Assistant Protocol Officer Col. Danzel “Einstein” Albertsen stormed the flagpole at Air Mobility Command yesterday after returning from an offsite meeting held on the front nine. “He single-handedly flipped a 20’x38’ Old Glory,” public affairs official Lindsey Wilkinson told reporters at a hastily assembled press conference. “He didn’t even task it to junior enlisted members as per protocol.”
Wilkinson said Albertsen got the idea from Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito, who flew a U.S. flag upside down after the January 6th insurrection because his wife was offended by a neighbor’s anti-Trump yard sign.
“The colonel recently transferred from an Air Force Base where it costs less to play nine holes,” Wilkinson told reporters. “He shouted at curious onlookers that, quote, ‘This base is getting ripped off by a corrupt golf pro shop.’ Then he said something about draining a swamp? Maybe he meant the water hazard?”
Wilkinson then introduced base inspector general Lt. Col. Victor Stafford. “Col. Albertsen has filed an IG complaint at Air Mobility Command,” he told reporters. “He also filed IG complaints at U.S. Transportation Command two blocks from here, along with the base’s active duty, reserve, and guard wings.”
“The colonel is distressed by the fees to golf at Scott Air Force Base,” Stafford said while rolling his eyes. “He’s ordered me to brief him twice a day, six days a week ‘In accordance with ‘Regulation 6-5’ on the progress of all five IG complaints he’s filed.”