The Royals are incredibly average

Nothing and no one on this team stands out in any way, neither good nor bad.

The Royals are average. They are mediocre. They are the definition of the mean. They are middling. They are entirely unremarkable. They are unexceptional. They are not bad. They are not good. They exist therefore I am. They are common. You should watch them if you want to. You should not watch them if you do not want to. They are tolerable.

They are not exciting. They are not disappointing. They are passable. They are utterly ordinary. They possess a moderate talent level. The on-field roster is comprised solely of professional baseball players who play baseball professionally. Sometimes the hitters hit the ball. Sometimes the hitters do not hit the ball. Sometimes the pitchers get an out. Sometimes the fielders catch a ball.

Sometimes they score runs. Sometimes they allow runs to score. Sometimes they are lucky. Sometimes they are unlucky. They have won some games, but they have also lost some games. They will win some more games. They will lose some more games.

They will collect a paycheck. Some of the players will be more valuable to the team than they are paid. Some will be less valuable to the team than they are paid. Some players will be cut. Some players will be promoted. Some players will get injured. Some players will get healthy.

The grass at Kauffman Stadium is the normal amount of green. The fountains contain water-like water. There are advertisements on the uniforms which are incredibly offensive. There are advertisements on the uniforms which aren’t a big deal. The players on the team are all capable of communication. The pitchers throw pitches. The hitters swing bats. The players all use gloves when fielding. They all use bats when batting. They wear hats or helmets at almost all times while on the field. The bases will be run at various, unremarkable speeds.

Watching and rooting for this team is an act of self-harm because they aren’t as good as some think they are. Watching and rooting for this team is incredibly fun because they aren’t as bad as some think they are.

The Royals are the most normal team. Baseball is America’s most averagely loved sport. The USA is a middling country. The Earth is the most standard life-bearing planet. The Sol system is the most conventional solar system. The Milky Way is the most run-of-the-mill galaxy. The universe is the most garden-variety existence.

Eat Arby’s.