My date has 5 kids with 3 women & people urge me to ‘run a mile’ – but I have kids with my ex so I feel like a hypocrite
A SINGLE woman has caused quite a stir online after questioning whether her date is an “instant red flag” because he has five kids with three different women.
The anonymous mum, who says his youngest child is one-year-old and is oldest is 16, explained how she feels like a “hypocrite” because she has three children with her ex.
Explaining her situation further, she took to Mumsnet and revealed: “From what he has said, the relationship he has with the mothers of his children is amicable.
“He has all 5 of them (3 with 1 mum, then one each with the other 2) every other weekend and pays child support for all 5.”
She added: “Bearing in mind, I have 3 children with my ex, so I feel like a hypocrite for even wondering if there is something just a bit off…”
The single mum then went on to express several of her concerns, which include that things “didn’t work out” with three women and that he’s had the last two kids fairly early into each relationship.
Not stopping there, she also noted how she was worried that the youngest is only one, and pointed out how that relationship ended just six months ago.
Asking for others opinions, she questioned: “Red flag or second date?”
It wasn’t long before social forum users flooded the comments section with their very honest reviews.
“As Super Simple Songs puts it, “NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!” one person wrote.
A second commented: “I wouldn’t touch him with somebody else’s barge-pole to be frank.”
Meanwhile, another noted: “One break up of a relationship which produced kids would be bad luck. Two is a coincidence. Three looks like a trend.
“I wouldn’t necessarily write him off on that alone, but I’d be on the look out for other red flags.”
Another told how they “definitely wouldn’t” date him but went on to say if they were “crazy enough to,” they’d take contraception “very seriously” or risk becoming his “new ex with child.”
Elsewhere, others noted the “logistical nightmare” of having so many kids living together – not to mention the number of exes to deal with.
“Can you imagine all 10 of you living together, even just on certain weekends?” asked one.
“I guess if you have 2 more between you, then you can follow the ‘cheaper by the dozen’ saying! It would be a massive NO from me.”
15 Relationship red flags to look out for
Red flags are warning signs that indicate unhealthy or manipulative behaviour. When you encounter relationship red flags, it’s a good time to pause and reflect on the dynamic you really share with that person.
- Overly controlling behaviour
- Lack of trust
- Feeling low self-esteem
- Physical, emotional, or mental abuse
- Substance abuse
- Narcissism
- Anger management issues
- Codependency
- Inability to resolve conflict
- Constant jealousy
- Gaslighting
- Lack of emotional intelligence
- Negatively affecting your relationship with family and friends
- Inability to communicate openly
- Lack of social connection or friends
For more advice and support, Relate is available: “Whether it’s your relationship with a partner, a child, a family member or anyone else – we help everyone to build better relationships.”
A second noted: “Children aside, what a logistical nightmare.”
A third agreed: “Even on the (very slight) off chance that he’s a great partner who has just had very bad luck with women, who would want to deal with the logistics of that?”
However, one person defended the woman’s date and revealed that the “loveliest man” she’s ever dated had three children with two different mums.
She continued: “Both women were very troubled, one was an alcoholic and the other was very poorly with an eating disorder.
“He had the children all the time, lovely proper gent and hard worker, very humble. He’d been very unlucky.”