Adults must teach their children (and grandchildren) about character | GUEST COMMENTARY

When were you last intentional about identifying positive character traits with your children or grandchildren?  As children grow, they need to have repeated reinforcement from the adults around them to understand what character means, how it is formed and what its long-term benefits are in contributing to a healthy, happy, productive life and shared community. Daily life feels hard for many adults and the resulting anxiety often passes wordlessly to our youth. Giving children the vocabulary of the traits you want them to embody builds coping skills and resiliency through a sense of self-esteem, empowerment and self-control. From my own youth, I recall lessons from influential adults whose wisdom became foundational in my value system, later becoming an anchor through life’s storms.

Responsibility, caring, fairness, trustworthiness, citizenship and respect are six pillars of character used by the Character Counts! organization which is active in many Maryland schools, as well as in other states and countries. This volunteer-staffed program brings concerned community members into the classroom to discuss such topics as bullying, appropriate boundaries with peers, kindness, sharing, honesty, respect for the environment and other age-appropriate topics. As one of those volunteers, along with hundreds of others, I point out to youth that individual behaviors contribute to group behaviors, which become social norms. If we want a more civil society, the responsibility begins with each of us.

Of these six characteristics, respect and responsibility are foundational in any individual.

Respect is owed to each of us and to each other, not because of age, social status or job descriptions, but because we inhabit the same planet, share the same universal needs and rely upon each other in an inextricably fragile web of social and physical interdependence. In these aspects, we are all equal. Genuine respect allows us to see the person across the aisle or across the globe as an individual deserving of a place in the community, making us more likely to listen to each other rather than try to talk over each other. Responsibility follows respect closely in making us aware of our active agency in creating the quality of our lives through owning our actions and following through on our agreements. Accepting personal responsibility in our lives has the collective power to defeat the consciousness of victimhood. This is not to deny the pervasive negative effects of such issues as systemic racism, but to raise awareness in the individual that one person can make a difference in the lives of many.

Respect and responsibility often spawn the natural tendencies toward trustworthiness, caring and fairness. Consider the rampant increase in identity theft, internet and telephone scams and the fear that AI will be used for as many nefarious pursuits as for good. If we saturate the minds of our children with the values of trustworthiness, caring and fairness, they are less likely to pursue crime of any sort and more likely to work to protect themselves and enhance society at large.

Citizenship is the culmination of individual values leading to active participation in our government at all levels. In our political system, all good government begins with self-government. The person who models these character traits is most likely to have the greater good of society in mind when taking public action or public office. The future viability of our democratic republic depends on each of us acting with informed intention and an active desire for the good of society as a whole even when segments of society are very different from ourselves. Our national problems are numerous and challenging for even the most advanced thinkers among us, but they are not insurmountable if we work together. The cumulative effect of adopting these pillars of character is a more resilient society that values all its citizens, recognizes its domestic and international responsibility in creating a more just world and creates a hopeful future.

I value the time I spend with youth encouraging their independent thought and action based on life-serving principles. However, I recognize that their few minutes with me is no substitute for the guidance of those central to their lives. I encourage you to name the characteristics you want those under your influence to develop. More importantly, please discuss and model positive character traits for those in your care. They should be the qualities you would like to see in those who may eventually become caregivers for you!

For more information about the Character Counts! program, go to charactercounts.org.

— Marian Fry, Chestertown

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