I was a pregnant teenager and my mom made this critical decision
When it comes to raising kids, they say it takes a village. Until you become a mother yourself, you don’t realize how true this is.
When I became pregnant at 17, I was faced with a whirlwind of emotions and uncertainties. In the midst of it all, one unwavering pillar stood strong beside me in my darkest moments, offering me the support and strength I needed to navigate the tumultuous journey ahead: my mom.
When I came to her the day I found out I was pregnant, she kept her personal emotions inside. Rather than expressing her disappointment and fear for me, all she told me was that she would be by my side through it all.
Navigating the challenges of teenage pregnancy is undoubtedly daunting. It was a time filled with overwhelming emotions and societal judgments, where every decision felt like a monumental leap into the unknown. Yet, in the midst of this uncertainty, as I was preparing to be a mother, my own mom stood by my side, offering me a beacon of hope and reassurance.
Reflecting today, it is clear to me that she didn’t have to support me the way she did.
I recently asked her what she felt that day when I came to see her at her work. This is what she told me:
"I was scared at first; not sure how we would navigate the situation but one thing I knew for sure was that I would always love her and would help her toward making a solid decision that she would never regret. That was most important; no shame, no regret and to remain forward focused.
In the moment, I remained calm outwardly and was focused on listening carefully. I didn’t want her to see the concern I had inside. I knew it was most important to her that she saw me as stoic and not fearful. I was able to remain calm at that moment because I saw how much she needed me to be.
A phrase that I had learned in church as a child that stayed with me through adulthood immediately came to mind, ‘God danced the day you were born.’ I had felt this way about her since the moment I gave birth to her and I knew she would feel the same way about her child, no matter the circumstance. And I was going to be there by her side to help her through it all."
Her unwavering emotional support became the cornerstone of my resilience. She didn't judge or criticize; instead, she embraced me with open arms and a heart full of love. Her belief in my abilities never wavered, even when doubts clouded my own mind. She became my confidante, my rock, and my source of inspiration.
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But her support didn't stop there. While being a teenage mom has its own set of obstacles, and the initial decision to continue with the pregnancy was overwhelming, she continued to encourage me to dream big and reach for the stars. Despite the odds stacked against me, she instilled in me the belief that I could achieve anything I set my mind to, knowing that I would have to work harder for it. That I could forge a new path around any obstacle in my way. With her encouragement fueling my determination, I embarked on a journey that would defy my own expectations.
College and medical school seemed like distant dreams for a teenage mom, but I turned those dreams into reality by leaning on my mom and the rest of my family to help. Through sleepless nights of studying, balancing motherhood with academics and work, and overcoming countless hurdles along the path, my mom was there, cheering me on every step of the way.
As I reflect on my life's trajectory, it becomes abundantly clear that without her love and support, I wouldn't be the woman I am today. Had she not been able to conceal her own insecurities in the early days of my pregnancy 25 years ago, my trajectory may have been different.
Navigating the complexity of someone else's situation while concealing your emotions can feel like trying to juggle flaming swords in a room made of tissue paper. However, there’s a sublime beauty in simply being a pillar of support, without the heavy cloak of judgment. It's not about fixing or analyzing; it's about holding space, offering a hand to hold in the stormy seas of emotions. In a world that often screams for solutions and explanations, sometimes the best thing we can do is just to be there, a steady lighthouse guiding someone through the choppy waters, no map required.
My mom was just that for me. Like a silent guardian in the night, offering solace without strings attached, this brand of support is the unsung hero of human connection.